First of all – what is that music box all about? It\'s always bugged me a bit, or at least, I\'ve always wondered what you are supposed to put in that box.

More importantly – exam in 2 days. Exam in 38 hours. That realization made it worse. I\'m taking half-pills of xanax to deal with the panic. It feels very similar to last week. I\'m finiding it very difficult to calm down.

I feel upset because this is NOT me. It feels like a mountain of work and I keep feeling like there is no way I can do it. What would my normal self tell me? Let\'s make this an exercise to see if I can use this to help myself.. so what would my "normal" self say?

1. I\'ve done this before, so it\'s not a big deal. Chill.

2. I\'m intelligent and I have the ability to grasp concepts quickly and effortlessly – even if I haven\'t done all the readings.

3. There are shortcuts that I can rely on so that I can summarize all the material I need to know and then hone in on concepts in more depth later.

4. I shouldn\'t blame myself for what I haven\'t done, but focus on what I CAN do from this point forward.

5. I have support! One of my best friends is preparing for the same test and I will see her soon and we will do the work TOGETHER.*

* Sidenote: It\'s kindof funny that when we were preparing for a very similar test two years ago at this time, I was the one telling her that everything woudl be okay. I basically taught her all the material and helped her to prepare. I have always been that person – I think it is really tough for me to be the one requiring help now.

So how did that work? Actually, not bad. Granted, I took half a xanax about 15 minutes before I started writing this (now maybe a half hour has gone by – actually, I\'m not sure, I feel like with stress, my conception of time has gone out the window). But the POINT BEING, the exercise seemed to be somewhat helpful. I need to focus on those points. Reading them over again now just before publishing this seems to have a bit of a calming effect.

One last thing: I really wonder if it\'s obvious that I\'m having anxiety attacks when I\'m in public at the library. I probably look miserable, but I think I do a really good job of covering it up, I think . Sheds a bit of perspective on how many of us might be suffering when no one else knows it – maybe the girl beside me is feeling really anxious as well but I\'ll never know.