It's been a while since my last post, I've been pretty busy actually living for once. It's been great. I've been teaching myself new things to control my anxiety. The first one is when I first get wokenup and instead of thinking of how pissed I am that I only have a half hour left to sleep before I have to take my daughter to school, I've been thanking God each morning that I have a half hour left of sleep before I have to get up. Same problem, different mindset, and boy does that change the way my day starts. I hate deciding on what to wear each day, I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 years, so now I don't put much thought into it, just grab something and go. No one cares wth I am wearing, let's be honest with ourselves. We tend to worry about things nobody else notices, part of anxiety, I'm learning. I'm beginning to pinpoint things that set my anxiety off, minor things such as being rushed, driving, waiting long periods of time for others, and the way my parents make me feel. Yesterday was a very trying day. I woke up to find a group of people I used to call friends talking shit about me, I deleted them all from fb so I no longer have to concern myself with their childish behaviors.I got ran off the road, twice. That's why I hate driving on the hwy. herebut I managed to not let it affect me, that was a nice feeling. Of not getting so mad and anxious that I felt uncomfortable for the next hour. After that my husband was late picking me up for a Drs. Appt. that did set my anxiety off and I was a little pissed at him because as I said, I hate being late. I however instead of going off on him and making things worse, managed to shut my mouth for a couple hours, which proved to be beneficial because we did not argue. Then we get to this forsaken office and they left us in the waiting room for over an hour and also in the patient room for a half hour until I finally blew my top and went out there to address the nurses. Gotta work on that one, but I find it blantently rude to ask a patient to show up at 4 if you won't be seeing them until 5:30. I can't stand feeling disrespected. The whole day was trying but I never let it get to me too much and to me it was a trying, yet successful day. Tomorrow we are going up to Detroit for a EDM concert, I'm excited to get dressed up and pretend I'm 20 again for a night. I've been having a life crisis lately with feeling old. But I've decided to look at that from another perspective too. When I get overwhelmed with growing older, I think of life this way, if I live to be 90 then right now, I'm only 1/3 of the way into my life, all the things I have experienced that are great, I still have 2/3 left to repeat and do more great things. When I look at it from that perspective, I no longer feel like I'm getting old but rather feel pretty young. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Have a great weekend, and do something for yourself that your future self will thank you for.


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