Oh where shall I start?  I feel so confused and just on emotional rollercoaster. So yesterday was Easter. Unfortunally it was my x husbands weekend for my daughter. My dad went camping with his GF. SO instead of keeping myself away from men all weekend. I ended up having relations with 2  guys. WTF? I am not a whore, at least I wasnt before. Now it seems to be alittle addicting.  The problem is that its the one guy who is totally into me and another guy i met a couple of weeks ago. And when all said is done, I drive home and thing "What are you doing Shannon?" "You are putting yourself into to many situations thats not quite right" "Why are you doing this" It seems to be a battle for me. And I just want to go back to the old me.  Fun, no worries, stress free and innocent. What have I done?

So this afternoon I got into a fender bender. A bottle rolled under my brake and i hit someone from the back. I couldnt stop, I felt like an idiot. Especially telling the police officer what happened.I hadnt had a greeat day either, going on 3 hours of sleep and on a different plane than reality. I think Karma set in today because I am playing with ppl's emotions. And i believe its time to stop before someone gets hurt.

This deep,dark,demented depression has sent me on a whirlwind adventure. I hate it, I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to punch someone in the face. And by the end of the day, 2 of the three things happen. I hate this lie I live in, I hate this emotional delay I have. I hate that i have these sad sexual cravings. I hate that I cant back track to a world once lived by a girl who was innocent.


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