Well for absolutely not apparent reason I’ve flat lined. I have to say I’m really pushing myself just to write this even. I’m pretty much just sitting here staring at the comptuer screen not doing or thinking anything in general. I really should eat something seeing as I haven’t really bothered today, but it’s really such a huge effort to make for such little payoff that it really doesn’t seem worth it right now. Maybe later or tomorrow.
I had therapy today. Is interesting that by the time I’m ready to start talking about anything touchy, time’s up. Wonder why that is. Oh well.
Tomorrow I have my first ever meeting with a psychiatrist. Can’t get to excited in my current state; but I was nervous earlier and kind of excited.
Its like I’ve suddenly become very aware of how much effort goes into everymoment. I’m sitting here feeling like my facial muscles are really heavy. Is very strange.
I admit I do get like this relatively frequently. However it just happened to not make it into bed before I flat lined. Normally I just sleep for a really long time and lay in bed. But I was still sitting here when it just happened. So here I am without any energy at all with no motivation to get off my butt. I wouldn’t mind going to bed. But it’s just so far away. I’m sure my boyfriend will call me in a few hours to tell me to go to bed. Him usually telling me what to do gives me enough motivation to do stuff so will be good.
I think i’m just kind of rambleing at about 1/4 of the speed I normally think and type and with no actually definable theme.
Me getting like this worries me. This is the kind of mood I would by mistake walk infront of a car in or just fall down a large flight of stairs etc. It’s like being on a really crappy autopilot I guess. Once again; oh well not like i can do anything about it. I normally talk to people to cheer myself up; but people have to start the conversation with me for me to start chugging along. However no one really seems interested in my at the moment. Which is fine, I really don’t mind; is just unfortunate that when people takeing interest in me would be useful they don’t. Oh well no one can read minds.
Lots of love (I admit that I don’t even really mean it right now, kinda flat)