I have been doing better since I have joined this site, for the most part. I have been trying to be more social and get out of my apartment. Lately I have been trying to go to bars and meet women. Things usually go pretty well when I have had a decent amount to drink. It seems like i make a good impression and i have gotten a few phone numbers. However, almost every follow up encounter usually goes poorly. It is very frustrating. I don't want to get drunk before i go on our first date, but if i dont, things usually don't go that well. I am often awkward and noticably uncomfortable. The date usually ends quicker than I would like, and I am hesitant to call her again because of OCD related fears as to what she may think of me. Of the three dates I have been on, there is one girl i stay in touch with, but we have not gone out again since our first date. I cant help but think that she thinks I am gay. It sucks so much. She is really cool, but I am starting to think that she is not interested in me like i would like. I think I will continue to try and hang out with her, and maybe the OCD stuff will lessen once i eliminate attraction from the equation. Having a friend is better than not knowing her at all. Maybe some day soon my fears will lessen and I will be able to relax around her. I hope that is the case, and that she is still down to go out with me. For now, i could use a friend. That is better than not knowing her at all. Why do all of these disturbing thoughts always emerge at the worst time? How do i explain my condition to a girl and not have her run for the hills, or even worse, for her to treat me like the gay guy? so many questions that I don't have the answers to. I don't think I will ever be able to have a long term relationship unless she is aware of my condition. Hiding the reasons for my anxiety only makes it worse. wow i am frustrated.


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