To whom this may concern:
I’ve never done anything like this before so I’m hoping for at least decent feedback. I’m feeling a little more hopeful being able to speak to a large amount of people. I need to start with where this major depression started up leaving me at this point in life, wondering wtf do I even do to get through another day…..
4 years ago I met the love of my life, to this day we are still best friends, now married and are even parents. We have one little guy who will be 3 this year…anywho our relationship started off with a bang, so much of a bang that we ignored life’s nessacary priorities. We lost our jobs and then became homeless for a bit. Even during those dark times we were so strong and never seemed to be bothered by much. About 3 or 4 months later (all being homeless and or in a motel) my boyfriend’s mother and father offered for us to come live with them. We both kindly denied and said we’d get everything together soon and that we were doing fine. His mother took offense to us and decided that she would come get us with or without our willingness. Starting off with making everything, in my opinion, awkward. I didn’t want to go but she was making the trip so we both forced ourselves to pack our stuff and go.
These past few years have been hell. I get disrespected almost constantly, even daily, unless I hide away in my room. I don’t even know where to start when it comes to my new found anxiety, panic attacks and major episodes of depression. I have tried these past few years to speak calmly about what I’m feeling or how I’m feeling to my husband or to whomever I can get around. I’m stuck inside 24/7, I don’t work, I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve become super angry. Like I’ve forgotten how it is to be a normal happy person. I have even forgotten how to socialize, which is crazy because I used to be the light of the room.
Now I sit in a room, trying my best to stay well put together for both my husband and our son. I honestly don’t have any clue what to do anymore. I’ve become so sad. It’s absolutely unbearable, and this I my last chance to get some kind of help or just someone to speak to. I’d speak to my husband but I k ow he’s done with hearing me speak my mind about his parent sand how they treat me, he agrees with what I say but I deal with this feeling and situation everyday. He works and gets breaks. I don’t even get a break from my son….I never just get a break. It’s hard to even breathe most days, all I want to do is cry, scream, yell or simply sit in silence because I’m numb as fuck. Anyone hear me out, I need a friend, I’ve lost many during this journey to hell.