Its been a long tiring day, full of mixed emotions, confussion, anger, disappointment, broken promises. I just simply feel like I'm never ever going to really live again, even D. has said to me get a job, it broke me, I'm so sick of everyone's promises and there judgements, lack of compassion and the fact there getting from me fullfillment that they need, support as per needed, when D. lost his job I was compassionate, I didn't and haven't said get a job ! I've tried to be supportive and loving but I'm slowly tired of his lack of attentiveness where I'm concerned, his lack of interest except when he decides he's in need. I feel no connection, except from time to time, I call it his disconnect factor, he's certainlylimited and unable to meet my needs emotionally, he see's us together in the future but honestly I need more, so much more than he's been able to provide emotionally, therefore I'm going to be in the moment as much as possible.
Maybe I will never be with another man that will truly love me, as my youth slips away, I long for something tangable to hold onto. I had my sorrow sitting here alone season after season,broken,now I have my sorrow along with fun times mixed with the reality nothings really changed for me, I'm still stuck in the dungeon, no job, no car, well you no the story, along with someone elses promises of help which are unkept, as I do everything I can to please there needs, mine are not meet.
Why are people so cold, so unable to love, to connect, to be compassionate, to treat each other well? I feel as though my fate is to live in deep longing forever.
Its sad I miss what never was, never will be, and simply isn't………..true love, life…..