I’m coming here because I feel like I need a place to air out my thoughts and emotional experiences. I have suffered from depression as long as I can remember but it’s always bounced up and down. Especially as a child and teen it was more sporadic, but in adulthood it hurts a lot worse. It feels a lot darker, as though I can’t come out from it. I am 24 so I don’t feel as though I’m that old, but it feels as though I’ve already failed at life. I have never had any real relationships. A couple weeks ago the woman that I was talking with told me that she no longer felt anything for me. She was the first person that I felt like I actually was going to have something with and now she doesn’t talk to me at all. Beyond losing her I have lost all my friends. I don’t really know why or when but it wasn’t until I lost her that I noticed. I fell deep into a hole and I reached out to everyone I could think to totaling around 20 different people. No one cared. I started to feel suicidal and tried reaching out once more. Same. I went to the hospital and spent a night and have since been prescribed meds which I haven’t been on long enough to know if they’re going to help. I feel like I am completely alone. I have no relationship. No friends and no family that I feel close to. I feel like my life is meaningless and I don’t know where to go from here.

 

4 Comments
  1. djlisa 2 months ago

    Hi throwaway2, I understand your feelings to a point as my husband left me, I have no family, I moved into this area not too long ago so I have no close friends, except for one who passed away about 4 months ago… My safe place has been my chair with my bible… I read until my eyeballs feel like they are going to fall out or I fall asleep. I wake up and start all over again. God has become my best friend, as long as I keep him “separate” from the churches I have tried to attend, even the ones that believe like I do… GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND HE HAS GOOD THINGS FOR ME, even when it doesn’t look like, smell like, feel like or seem like it. I read the NIV as it is easier to understand.

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  2. xillah 2 months ago

    Hi. I feel you on the lack of friends. I’ve struggled with that for a really long time. I keep contact with people I *used* to hang out with before I started dating my now-husband, but I know we’re not friends anymore. They were more party-friends, anyway, and I really never expect for any of them to go out of their way for me.

    Now that my son is getting a little older, I’m going back to school–having a goal always helps me through hard times. I would also consider getting involved in group activities. I have a very hard time being around people I don’t know (EXTREME introvert) but I force myself anyway. I’ve met some pretty nice people from joining a writing group.

    You haven’t failed at life, because you’re not done yet. It will take some time…and some treatment, but you’ll find your way. I always do, no matter how many times depression rears its stupid head.

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  3. lexus1995 2 months ago

    Hi throwaway2, if you need someone to talk to message me.

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  4. scarred 2 months ago

    Well I can relate to that throwaway2. I have no friends however my dog might disagree with that statement. Don’t get used to being alone it gets much harder to break the older you get.

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