Well as you may have read I am waiting to find out rather or not I have breast cancer.This is the crazest thing I have ever been through in my life.The process of finding out is for the birds.I feel like crap.The fact of not knowing wich way it will come out that I could have something in my body killing me as I speak.That is killing me inside.At least if I knew I could have a plane of action.Not knowing what do I do but wait day in and day out.I dont want to do anything but sleep the days away so my test will come sooner.I wish at times I could just rip it out myself.I am not mad because it does run in my family I think I knew that at in time it would happen but like I said at least I would know what to do next.I pray that the lord lets me be strong so that others can see him through me but right now I dont feel strong.I know that everything works out for the best and I am ok with that.I just need answers.I need a yes or no.I can deal with that better I think.I work friday saturday and sundays off monday- thursday I have not done a thing but sleep.I dont like that I want to at least have my up spells with my bipolar.Right now I dont even have that.The way the doctors handled my case was for money and that makes me really mad.The more they see me the more money they make.All the time I sit here going crazy.I have no outlet right now.I sure would like to have a drink but with my bipolar I have to be careful.I will start drinking alot been there done that.Well anyway I could talk for a long time but I wont.Thanks for listening.