I find it harder to get up more in more, most of the time I sleep the day away, trying to desperately look for a job something I have not been able to do in the past 3 years, I have had jobs in those 3 years however none of them have been stable. Most of the time I spend my day staring at nothing, I get books from the library and never read them, I have video games that go untouched.

 
I cannot bring myself to draw or write most of the time I just sit in my room staring a pc screen with black curtains drawn 24/7.
 
 
My relationship with my family is ugly to say the least, I do all the chores in the house perfectly, no complaints and do a spot on job I feel like hired service, when I had a job I paid a 600 rent on account that both my parents filed bankruptcy and could not pay most of their bills. I wanted to move out desperately but all of my money went to them, and by the time, I finally got my financial situation under control I lost my job.
 
 
Almost immediately my father the two faced bastard turned on me, he speaks with such in air of disgust when it comes to me, and he does not care about my problems and never has. My mother is a delusional, bipolar, borderline infantile woman. Who prefers to pretend that nothing is wrong and that depression is just feeling sorry for yourself.
 
 
When I tried to get help for my depression my teacher suggested a clinic for me to go to, I set up an appointment and everything and lied to her about the place, since she does not believe in getting help for problems such as these. the day I was supposed to go she shockingly went online despite always begging me to show her how PC works since in her own words “I don’t get them” she found out the real reason I was going.
 
 
Verbal fight ensued culminating in her screaming over and over “don’t give in to weakness!” I had to cancel because I do not have a car now; we have gotten into fights about me moving out. she refuse to let me leave, screaming at me I’m still her baby and I don’t know about the real world and If I move out she’ll find out where I live and pay random street thugs to break in and rob me.
 
 
She is crazy to say the least. My father just generally treats me like excrement looking down on me criticizing everything I do using me. I do not know what to do anymore, I feel like I am in a prison. I know the steps I need to take but nothing ever pans out I feel like I am on the end of my rope.
 
2 Comments
  1. MisanthropicDame 9 years ago

    God I have been in the same boat as you have before. It blows. It's very hard, but you have got to keep trying. Push yourself

    Once you do it you will be so proud of yourself! AND you'll never have to speak to those people again! Shortly after I moved out I cut my family out of my life and good riddance too!!

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  2. Vagabond_27 9 years ago

     Thanks. Part of me thinks that it is my fault and I deserve this because I am as old as I am. I feel like I have no right to complain or do anything to to try to change this situation. I personally feel that they think they are exempt of being terrible parents because they waited it out. 

     
    Sort of like a statute of limitations for parenting. It just makes me sick when ever they pick up my sister’s kids and act like the loving, caring parents they were never to me. Especially my dad, it is almost as if he is rubbing it into my face. 
     
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