I just got back from bowling the last night of the summer sport pattern league. I got 2 patches. One because my team won and the other because I had the highest average. There was only one other team in the junior league because for some reason kids didn't want to do it and we couldn't bowl with the adults which had a lot of teams. My mom sat there with another one of the kid's moms and just talked shit about me for 2 hours and when the bowling was over and the lady handed out the awards my mom gave me shit for not saying thank you. I said 'cool' and thats as much as anybody is going to get tonight. I didn't feel like saying thank you. I beat everybody…isn't that fucking enough? She had to humiliate me to someones mom and then give me shit. She brought up how I spilled milk last night and then cleaned it up…whats the big fucking story in that? Then she called me "helpless" in front of the mom and another kid.

 

I really want to get out of here and away from her. I want a car so I can just drive away when I want to. Its really hard for me to get a license because I'm over 18. You need all kinds of freaking ID.

 

I want to get the GED tests over with. my teacher says I'm ready and I ace almost everything he gives me.  My mom doesn't think I'm ready when me and my teacher know I am. I want to take other classes like weightlifting and softball. When I have nothing else to do I just exercise….I'm in pretty good shape, but I have nothing to apply it towards like a sport. Bowling doesn't require much in athletics. I also want to take other classes and I just want to swamp myself with work. The busier you are the better you feel, I think. 

 

I miss a girl in my life. Having a girlfriend makes me feel so much better. Social anxiety can get so much in the way tho…I feel like its not fair to her and I know she can't understand even when she tries. Having your heart broken hurts and I'm sorry to the girl's heart I broke. You have to approach love like you're the first one to love and nobody will ever love like you after you…or something like that.

 

I'm in a music mood. Here's some lyrics to one of my favorite songs.

 

Heading Out to The Highway

Hitem boys
Well Ive said it before, and Ill say it again
You get nothin for nothin, expect it when
Youre back seat drivin and your hands aint on the wheel
Its easy to go along with the crowd
And find later on that your say aint allowed
Oh thats the way to find what youve been missin

So Im heading out to the highway
I got nothin to lose at all
Im goin to do it my way
Take a chance before I fall
A chance before I fall

You can hang in a left or hang in a right
The choice it is yours to do as you might
The road is open wide to place your biddin
Now, wherever you turn, wherever you go
If you get it wrong, at least you can know
Theres miles and miles to put it back together

And Im heading out to the highway
I got nothin to lose at all
Im goin to do it my way
Take a chance before I fall
A chance before I fall

Makin a curve or takin the strain
On the decline, or out on the wain
Oh everybody breaks down sooner or later
Well put it to rights, well square up and mend
Back on your feet to take the next bend
You weather every storm thats comin at cha

And Im heading out to the highway
I got nothin to lose at all
Im goin to do it my way
Take a chance before I fall
A chance before I fall

 

I don't know why I'm righting this down 

1 Comment
  1. iloveacharade 14 years ago

    I don't blame you at all for writing it all own. Sounds like you're dealin' with a lot of frustration and this is a safe place to vent, right? WE won't make fun of you or yap about you – in fact, I will say congratulations on the bowling thing!! That is awesome. I totally admire it (I especially suck at it, but I'd admire your accomplishment even if I didn't!). It sounds like you have a good idea where you stand in school and that your teacher does too. It does blow your mom can't get on board. Sometimes that's just part of , well, being mothered. It can blow. Good luck – and I hope you take those classes you'll enjoy : )

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