You can call me, Arizona.
I’ve joined this community for a few reasons. One, to be able to participate in the forums, so that I may find support, as well as be able to give support. Also, I’ve wanted to start a blog about my journey with anxiety and depression, in hopes that getting it all out with help with my recovery, and maybe will help someone else with theirs.
I was born in the midwest, but have resided on the East Coast most of my life. I’ve never been married, never had any children, and am currently residing with my parents to help take care of them and the house.
My biological father was kicked out of my life by my Mother when I was 6 months old, and I never met him. I did receive his ashes when he passed away in 2012 due to being the only person to come forward and claim him. I was notify by happenstance through a family member.
My Step-Father, who we’ll call ‘Mike’, has been in my life since I was 6 months old, and is still in my life today. He and my Mother got married when I was in 1st grade, and were going through a nasty and bitter divorce by the time I was in 3rd grade. IT WAS HELL!! I’m the only child (my Mother only ever had me, and my Step-Father never had children of his own), so I was put directly in the middle of their feud.
Fast forward to now, we all do still live together. How Jerry Springer, I know! They left it up to me when I was 11, and my Dad was transferring jobs to another state.
My Dad has been an alcoholic my whole life, however, drastically cut down about 7 years ago, when he had to have heart surgery. However, now when he does drink, it doesn’t take much for the nasty side to come out. This has caused a lot of problems in my life, and is a big trigger in my depression and anxiety.
I currently have a moderate to severe case of General Anxiety Disorder, a mild case of Major Depressive Disorder, and a moderate to severe case of Insomnia.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve had problems falling, and staying asleep. Most nights, it can take anywhere from half an hour, to a hour for me to fall asleep. I do take a couple of medications, and am going to be starting a new one, that are supposed to help me with sleep. However, when I get an insomnia wave, forget it! My mind will race so bad. Sometimes it’s just filled with worrying thoughts, sometimes with memories from childhood. Sometimes, anything and everything.
As I’ve been discussing things more with my counselor, I’ve started understanding that it makes more sense now, that I had anxiety as a child. It makes a lot of sense, considering some of my characteristics and actions as a child. I did see a behavioral specialist when I was a child, being treated for ADD, as well as ADHD (don’t ask, I don’t know how I had a diagnosis of both). I was also seeing the behavioral specialist during my parent’s divorce.
My anxiety’s severity has been full spectrum throughout my life. I’ve gone from no anxiety, to the complete opposite end, and was experiencing crippling anxiety. Right now, I’d say it’s definitely a lot better than it was 4 months ago. I’m not experiencing panic/anxiety attacks as often or as severe as they were. So I’m very thankful for that. I actually started using a meditation app, as well as journaling about my anxiety and my thoughts, and reading a few books about these issues I’ve been dealing with.
So this is pretty much just a brief summary of what’s been going on, and why I am here. There will definitely be more to come, and I will be touching on more specific topics throughout my blogging experience.
Hope someone can find any of my blogs or forum posts helpful!
Much love and peace,