So this is my first blog, i have never wrote a blog before im not the best writer i never know what to say. Wel where do i start? Hmm…
It all started when i was 17 when i had my first panic attack i rember it so well thought i was going to die, awfull feeling (a feeling i am used to now). I had abad year with a few famly and a friend that had died. my mate from school had died on chrismas day suddenly he was aged 16 (R.I.P Lesi!), this was my first time i ever delt with a loss of somone. this resulted me in dropping out of school, i was working and got on with things like any normal teenager. I am very close to my family i have a amazing mum who has raised me without the help of my father, grandparants that have been a constant support throughout my life. But unfortunately my mums dad had been battling cancer for 6 years and we all feared the worst was about to happen, he put up one hel of a fight but died on bonfire night. i had been expecting this as he had been poorly for some time, but i had lost my father he was my role model and i miss him everyday r.i.p. we got the following christmas out of the way and the family was trying to get out of the greaving, when all of a sudden on a saturday 1 week after my 18th birthday my uncle died of a heart attack in his bed. This was the one that got me, like i said i was close to my family this man was one of the best men if not the best man i have met. i am doing what i am doing today because of his guidence and knowlage he passed on to me. I rember just feeling numb for a week, all could think about was my cousins and i couldnt get my head around why a healthy 44 year old man could just drop dead.
So my uncle was the icing on the cake and the trigger that has set my anxiety off, i had my first panic attack about a month after and hear i am today still with the same problem. I have had CBT twice but i feel uncomfortable with the people i see, ithink i am in denile coz i think i can deal with it that its nothing but its been such a burden to have with me, i have thought of the unspeakable. But on the flip side as bad as my anxiety is year after year, i am lucky because i have a beautiful girlfriend of 7 years who helps me no end. I have great friends, played in great bands had a lot of fun traveling. Now im looking forward to hard work with my current band, as sony rca are interested in us.
But day to day i am just shadowed by anxiety and depression, i dont notice these good things when they are happening and just dwell on my – thoughts. I have joind this site to learn as much as i can from other people in the same situation, we are not alone so lets have a open mind and share our prolems and thoughts and our feelings. I know i will beat this and get on with my life good times and bad times, thankyou to anyone who reads or comments there advice to me i will look forward to hearing from you.
Stay happy
