I've been rather jittery all day. Partly from lack of sleep. I just got a new kitty last night. I had gone to see her at the pet rescue on Monday, and over the course of the week knew I had to go back and get her.
She's quite the cuddler, which I love. She didn't follow me to bed, which was probably good because my mom's cat who likes to sleep on my pillow probably wouldn't have liked it. 😛 It was so late when I got to bed–it seems I can never make myself go to bed, which is insane because I know the later I stay up the worse I feel.
I couldn't go to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about my cat who died in May. I miss her…. That's an understatement. I cried and cried. Finally I went downstairs and was surprised that cuddling with my new cat made me feel better, so slept there with her on the couch…. Thank God I got to sleep.
I've had these insane thoughts ever since my other cat died that I might somehow forget her or stop loving her. I know in my heart that that is ludicrous. She was my best friend. We spent so much of every day together. For ten years, I was never away from her for more than two weeks at a time. She was amazing. My heart melted every time I saw her, and every time those green, green eyes looked up at me, I wondered why I was so blessed. It's been nearly eight months, but still when I think of her it melts my heart.
I've reminded myself that I've had other pets I'm not nearly as close to that I lost years and years ago whom I still love and remember, yet I still fear that I will forget my baby. It makes no sense. I believe that ultimately, God will give her back to me at the resurrection, but still I'm afraid…of what? I don't know.