My rituals.. where do I start

Well, I already mentioned the numbers thing. Always has to be multiples of 2. At one point, everything I said I had to say every single word twice. I haven't done that for a long time. Certain words that I say though stick in my mind and I have to repeat them. If someone says a certain word that is different or I haven't heard in a long time, you will often hear me say 'what?' just so I can hear you say it again. In my mind I count out every word that you say and usually every word that I say to make sure that I have said some form of multiple of 8. Sometimes I will even do each letter and make sure that all the letters in something you or I said was an even number in the end. When I look at certain things, I need to look twice. I used to have to have eye contact with someone twice, not so much anymore.. unless it's someone I haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes I pay attention to my breathing, who knows maybe I always do and I have just come to ignore it. Has to be multiples of 2. Swallowing, multiples of 2 always. When I eat, I have to have 2 bites of things, once again swallowing each thing twice before moving onto something new. When I was younger and lived in my parents previous house, I remember having to go up and down the stairs and even number of times and each time I did I had my little ritual of what I had to touch when I did so.

To this day I have been able to overcome many of my rituals, but I have also created more as I go. I find it is easier to not perform a particular ritual if I am somewhere new, or am toucing something new that I have never touched before. When my parents and I moved into a new house it was like a breathe of fresh air for me. I allowed myself to start over and not have to do my rituals. Of course, I eventually developed new ones for this new house.. it was only a matter of time and I knew that to begin with. Oh well.


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