Man, its late but I cant sleep.

I’m doing better, baby steps I suppose right? Although its been a month or so since our actual break up, I still think about her and miss her sometimes but I guess that’s normal.

She really wants to stay friends with me, but at this point I don’t think I can be. It hurts me too much seeing her constantly texting her new guy friends while I’m still struggling to move on. It’s a depressing feeling. I think I’m just envious (jealous?) that she’s able to do it before I can. And its not that I don’t want her to be happy it’s just that I need to see some light at the end of my tunnel before I start jumping for joy.

She really wants me around her kids, and I can understand that–they’ve grown attached to me in the absence of their father, and they’re still too young to understand the complexities of why I’m not around anymore. So they’re kinda confused as to why one of their best playmates doesn’t come and play anymore. I miss those boogers.

I want to be there for them, but it’s still awkward with me and Emma :sigh:. Sitting there while she texts 30-40 times in a few hours to “friends” just depresses the hell out of me. How am I supposed to meet someone else if I’m moping around feeling sorry for myself?

I’m not sure if I can keep sucking it up, I don’t know what will happen.

My goals for the next week: be more outgoing, focus on the present, slowly rebuild my confidence.

On a side note, I’d just like to thank everyone for the warm welcome and comments left for me. I really do appreciate it, and I’m really glad there’s a place online where I can rant to people in similar situations : )