So, an update to the red-head story, I have been creating a means of space between us that I myself will honor without her knowledge…and I think thats fine. Today in one of my psych courses, I was used as an example when creating a friendship circle that is often used to delineate a clients network of support and relationships. The red head of course came up as having moved her way from my inner circle all the way to the very last rung where the people in that region are considered on their way out. My teacher, who is phenominal, dug a little deeper with me for the demonstration and it made me realize something that I never have before…I am okay with losing her friendship. Actually, I am not losing her friendship, I am removing its toxicity from my life.
So much of my mental health rests on my personal well being as I am sure is the case for everyone on this site. Her stressful relationship brought my personal and mental health to a new low which i have come to realize is not an issueI want to have again or ever. High school was my first experience with this very same problemand it nearly ruined me then…why would I invite that or allow it to continue now? I spoke with my mom who was honest with me and said that many of the women she was friendly with in college she never spoke to again. She stated that these friendships, though close knit now, will mature, change, or dissappear altogether and we will and, in my case with the red-head, mustpart ways. I am the only one of the group continuing their education and the only one not doing something related to teaching or health so I am alone in the upcoming journey that faces me.
This realization, though dissappointing because I am losing what once was a good friend, has offered me some peace and insight into my problem and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I can still hang out with my girlfriends whether the red-head is there or not, they all still love me and as my one girlfriendhas said "trust inour friendship, we will always be honest with you and we always have been". Her statement is very true, i dont have to feel jealousy if they are hanging out together and I am not there, they live together. I dont have to worry if they are on her side or not, they have stated their neutrality, and in some ways disdain for her, on many occassions. Even if we part ways I will always know my main women stuck up for me and stayed by my side. Even if the red-head is leavingmy life sooner than I expected, she doenst deserve to be in it anyway. Even if i feel like I am watching our respective lives grow apart from eachother and our bond begins to slip like sand through my grasp…I can say I had them to make my college days brighter and my party nights crazier, and thats worth everything.