I rewrote my profile section "about me". I'll just post that here. thanks everyone.

I was OCD free until about a week before my 23rd birthday. I can still remember the night that things suddenly became weird for me. I don't have multiple types of OCD that constantly make life difficult, even though I see glimpses of other types on occasion. There is just one type that has followed me for 6 years. Although I have never known anyone with this particular type, I am told that it is treatable. However, i still feel stuck to this day. I have what is known as Obsessive compulsive homosexual disorder. It is incredibly embarassing even to put into writing, and even more so to make it available for others to see. When in public the constant fear that people perceive me as "gay" nags on me and makes social interactions very difficult. at the conditions origin, around the time of my 23rd birthday, I was much worse than I am today. Then, I didn't know if i was gay or straight. I remember thinking that I must be the only gay guy in the world that is only attracted to women. As time went on, and I finally got the disorder pinpointed, i realized that this made no sense. After about sixteen months of suffering, I went to Meningers clinic in my home town of Houston to get treatment. I was a mess when I got there. I couldn't make eye contact with any one and I felt that everyone there thought I was gay right off the bat. Since then, I have come a long way. I still have these thoughts in public situations but they do not control me as much as they once did. At this point in my life, I want a social life and to be able to function in society. Right now it feels like I will never have a meaningful relationship, that my OCD will drive away any woman that I ever meet. Friends are hard to come by, and I spend most of my time in isolation at home. I think the next step for me is to get more involved in life outside of the house, but the fear of doing so is terrifying for me. I want to get better, but I don't really know how. I was on here about a year ago and really appreciated the support, so I'm back at a different point in my life hoping to help and to be helped. Thanks for reading and I appologize for any spelling and/or punctuation errors.

1 Comment
  1. chez 10 years ago

    Welcome back but unfortunately it's because you need support. I know how you feel needing to get more involved in life outside the house i hate going out i get really nervous my therapist wanted my to try going out with during our sessions but i couln't do it but i hope you have more courage than me good luck i hope you change the things you want to.

    0 kudos

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