I have to admit it's been a long time since I've written on here…or frankly even been on here. I was honestly avoiding it when I was feeling good because I was afraid that by reading other blogs I woul start to feel anxious agaiin. Sure it doesn't make sense, but when times are good we don't want to go back to the bad. I was sure I would jinx myself. Well, I think I've done the complete opposite. I've ignored my health, I've been getting little sleep, working overtime without lunches and running myself ragged. I thought I was strong enough to get through it all. I also thought I could ignore everything I've learned in therapy. Sure, I was still going to therapy and practicing things I learned, but I wasn't being mindful. I was ignoring all the symptoms my body was giving me. Then BAM! Tuesday it started happening all over again. It felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. My heart was beating SO fast. I was nauseated and feeling ridiculously scared. The feelings, the panic, the obsessions were back. I visited my therapist Tuesday who confirmed for me that I can't expect to not take care of myself and everything to be okay. She talked me down and I felt better, but since then I've still been really anxious. I feel like I'm going crazy and I feel like I'm going to have a full blown relapse. Worse, my parents are flying into town this weekend and I'm scared I will be a hot mess while they are here. I have come so far, I don't want to go back. I am so so scared right now. Before, I knew I had relapsed b/c i needed a medication change, but this time it feels like it's going to be a permanent slide. How does everyone else deal with setbacks like this? I've been fine for a couple months, I really don't want to go through this again.