I guess feelings of anxiety and depression and things like that started when I was about 9.  But, when you're that young you don't really know what to make of things like that.  By middle school it was pretty bad.  I started seeing a psychologist and shortly after a psychiatrist.  The summer after 8th grade, I started smoking cigarettes and weed.  By the time I was 15, I started drinking when I could get my hands on alcohol, but most people know weed is easier to get when you're underage than alcohol is.  This could be a never ending blog, but I'll try to keep it short.  I never got addicted to anything but I've done most drugs.  For a while, everyone thought that was my main problem.  I've been through rehabs and shit, but I don't know if I really belonged there.  I was self medicating.  I never did anything enough to get physically addicted other than weed, which we all know isn't physically addictive.  I guess you could say around the time I turned 20 I calmed down significantly.  I recently turned 22 and now I just drink socially.  I know this isn't the addictions part of the website, but this is what happened.  Between May of 2007 and October of 2008, there were periods where I was doing great and periods where I was doing well enough.  Since then, things fell apart.  I stopped working and looking back that was probably a big mistake.  I've been living home again about three months and I'm on my way out again.  THis has happened more times than I can even think of.  It seems like my only options are to live in this house for people who are having trouble getting their life together (not a group home.. I don't know what to call it), go on some time of assistance and live at a shady motel, potentially losing my car insurance and cell phone in the process, or just sleeping in my car.  I'm frustrated as fuck.  I'm not the type to say anything about suicide that isn't true, but I think about it a lot.  I believe in God, but I don't understand why so many have issues that hold them back severely.  I've spoken enough.


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