So I suppose an introduction would be nice.  The name's Mandy.  I'm socially anxious, bipolar, and just plain weird all around.  I used to self-mutilate but somehow managed to overcome that about a year ago.  It was tough, especially after how reliant I had become on it.  I have the scars to prove the pain I've been through and they can be hard to deal with.  Just the other day a woman asked me if I had a cat.  I told her that I have a dog and she commented on how that dog really tore my arm to shreds.  Yeah, something like that.

My psychiatrist of four years and I have been trying to work on some of my psychotic symptoms I am exhibiting now.  The medications are helping, but they are extremely expensive.  I'm so lucky to have such great insurance that can cover everything.  I'd probably be dead without my meds. 

I'm trying to figure out what to do about college.  I went last year for a semester after taking a year off of school altogether.  Classes start in one week and I'm freaking out trying to decide what to do.  I can't walk into a classroom without feeling like I'm going to suffocate from the stares I get.  I ran out of class a few times last year due to my anxiety.  I got called up to the board and just took off.  I'm worried that's going to happen again.  I also don't know what to study.  How does everyone else in the world seem to have their lives so together?  How do you people know what you want to do with your life?  I'm so lost.

I wish I could explain the pain my social anxiety has put me through.  It's exhaustive and I have lost so many friends because of how I act around people.  I'm not outgoing in the slightest.  I sit in the corner and people believe me to be unapproachable.  It's sad, really.  I don't mean to be this way.  I truly wish I could be more outgoing and actually have fun on the rare occasions I see a friend or two.  I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy my life.



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