Well, I'm very sad tonight.  My boyfriend and I broke up.  I miss him a lot.  He has a problem with commitment, and he knows it.  He decided to let me go before I got even more hurt.  We were together 3 months.  It seemed both long and too short.  I really thought he was perfect for me but he's not.  Otherwise he would be able to handle my ex husband and my two kids.  He told me the story of how when he was 24 he had been together with a girl for 3 years and they were living together, engaged, and all set to have a wonderful life together.  Then he decided he had to be free, and he left her, even though they got along great and she was smart and beautiful.  And since then, he has done basically that same thing to two other women.  He didn't want to do it to me, and didn't want to deal with my ex or help me raise my kids.  He has an idea of a perfect woman in his head, and she has never been married and has no kids.  So no matter how wonderful I might be, he thinks I am not right for him.  It hurts because he and I got along sooo well.  Now I have to start over with the online dating.  I want to go ahead, and move on but I'm still hurting so much….each time I go on the dating site I feel sick to my stomach.  I will get better each day, though.  It's only been one day so far.  He is not the right one for me.  He helped me get over my ex husband, which is a big accomplishment in itself.  He treated me well, and we had lots of fun together.  Now I have to accept that we are done and over forever.  And I will find someone new when the time is right.  I will still love myself, and love my life.  I have good things going on:  a healthy son starting kindergarten in a couple months, a new job where I can bring my daughter with me, a good old friend in town for the summer, a beautiful place to live, the ability to pay my rent, my dad's going to help me pay off some of my debts, I will soon be able to enroll in some classes in the university thanks to getting my loans out of default, a new friend I made, a couple of other friends who care about me, beautiful summer weather.  I'm young, healthy, and getting over my anxiety wonderfully.  I found out that someone new and fabulous thought I was sexy and desirable and enjoyed my company.  I will use this to raise my confidence in myself, and know that I have no trouble attracting men.  I will find someone good who who will truly love me, and my kids.  I want someone who is kind, patient, fun, adventurous, stable, and honest.  And I must be sexually attracted to him as well.  Because to be honest, I love sex and cannot be with a man who I don't have great chemistry with. 


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