ive never really been claustrophobic but recently i’ve felt claustrophobic in my own body. i’m so close to killing myself. i’m so done hiding everything i just want to let everything out every single thing. i feel like i can’t even breathe anymore. i just need a break from everything i want everything to stop. i don’t seem that bad to alot of people but ik i’m rly bad bc nothings good. hearing my thoughts literally scare me i can hear my heart inside my head just all the time. and i just want someone i can just let everything out to with out being judged but ik every time i speak no one cares or people probably think i’m dramatic or annoying. i’m just in so much pain. i’m at my breaking point. i’m literally done with everything. i couldn’t even tell the psychiatrist everything. he asked me if i wanted to end my life i didn’t know what to say so i said no. but i do i really do. i want to overdose on my meds. it’s easy. simple.  and i’d be better. and when ever i’m somewhere high the only thing that crosses my mind is what if i jumped and i want to so bad but i wouldn’t be a bitch and make everyone watch. but ik people would be in pain and ik this is selfish but i don’t care. everyone says do what YOU want bc u need to take care of YOURSELF. and that’s what i need. if killing myself means i’ll be better than i might as well bc i’m not able to tell anyone how i feel then how m i supposed to live this lie. i’m just over everything. i’m getting worse. i’m literally getting worse. i’m just in my bed all the time. nothing helps i go to therapy but she probably doesn’t even want to see me bc i can’t even talk to her. my mom is probably over having a depressed child. my family just blames it on me being a teenager ITS MORE THAN THAT. NO ONE GETS IT. no one gets it. i need to go. i hate myself so fuckung much. i’m so fat but ofc i’m just too tired to do anything so i don’t work out and then i hate myself for that and i hate the hate i give myself so i sleep. sleep helps everything. it’s an escape. i don’t have to face anything. except my dreams that kill me each night. but idek. i’m just not good enough for anyone anymore. i need a break.

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