“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours.”

I have much saddness and along comes depression as we all feel most times if not always.

When I gave birth to my children I was niave’ enough tot think it was unconditional. But somewhere in all my teaching, care, and devoted love I have slipped somewhere. Two of my children do not see me.and so be it I am not to see my grandchildren. Divorce sometimes makes us pay for what we have not asked for. I miss them…….I long for them for they are part of me and I them. I have been abused straight from the birth canal…and so also I have no family so to speak.  I pay for their sins. Tis because I let it happen. I let myself be set up and used. That also comes with past of perfection and that your not acceptable without it.

I tend to back away , close doors and am afraid of closeness of those that are real and wanting. Maybe because I feel I am not worthy of anything better in life. Then it constitutes what many of us feel …..low esteem and confidence in ourselves. If I’m not giving or taking care of others…….I feel …..emprty. when someday I yearn for unconditional exceptance. No "arm candy" or a " show horse " just what I have so much to give from the inside.

I need to trust..I need confidence and I need esteem. Where do you go to get those but from inside ones self. So how do I begin to and where do I start? I am tired……I am sad………..I am lonely…….

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