I’m not sure if I actually slept last night.
All I remember is laying in bed with horrible thoughts going through my head.
I was extremely moody by the time I got out of bed (1:30pm). I havn’t been angry out right since leaving the hospital but I think this morning I yelled at my sister as she was trying to get me out of bed. I am sorry and I will tell her this when I’m feeling a little better. She is trying to help me. She recognizes the signs and she is doing her best.
I forced myself to continue my routine and I went for a quick run after reading the comments to my previous blog.
I decided to take your guy’s advice and write to CT. As soon as I finished my run I said exactly what I wanted to write in my head. It was the perfect letter. It showed my feelings and it contained all the right questions. I immediately felt determined.
As I sat down to write the actual letter. I realized I had lost exactly what I wanted to say. The words just wouldn’t come. I don’t want to rush it because it could come out wrong. I don’t want to push her away and I don’t want to sound too needy. I just want the truth to spill out into the letters. I’m not worried about the outcome as long as I say everything the way I want. If I do this I will be ready to take the next step.
For now, I’m gonna get out of the house. It’s not really a nice day but I will go see a movie or something. I just can’t let depression get the best of me. I am a changed person and I need to prove it.
There are other things I would like to talk about. This is just what happens to have been my mind a lot lately.
Thank you everyone who is helping me through this. I will return the favor soon.