Today has been absoutley FRUSTRATING. My mom can be such a bitch and i've been boiling with fury all day because she keeps getting on my case, talking about things that trigger me. she keeps playing the victim and wants me first row. UGH!

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I usually don't have this type of anger except towards myself! but I was so angry I just wanted to cry but I didn't. I held it in.

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My dad and possibably my brother are going to a family rueion tomorrow and monday. I'm staying because I don't want anyone to see me in this state. mom is using me as an exsuce on why not to go either.

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but how the HELL am I supposed to deal with this woman for the rest of this long weekend!? My only safe spot is my room and she keeps calling me out! she's like "why are you hiding" Fuck her, she's why!

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She even got upset because there was no 'desert' after dinner tonight, i offered her one of my light and fit greek yogurt, it was a cheesecake one, she was horrified but had it anyway. she was so CHILDISH. grow up!

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*breathes in sharply then out* i'm so over this bullshit with my family. with myself. someone please push me off a cliff. now i'm having a meltdown because I ate and feel disgusting.

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One thing after another today. like i can touch NO part of me without getting extremely depressed and upset or angry.

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Lately (other then the doctor who marathon I had) I've been obessed with batman and the bat family. (mostly Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) and I wish they'd steal me away, even if Jason did it to kill me, i'd be free.

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Anyway, so yeah…Oh and she wants to go out to breakfest today.-uh NO. I don't care what happens i'm not going. i'm staying where it is safe- my room.

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so we'll see what happend with that….Well….rant is over. sorry. I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Labor Day weekend. sigh….

1 Comment
  1. bridgie101 6 years ago

    what about telling your counsellor that you have anger towards your mother that you are failing 100% to express productively, and you need strategies of telling her when she makes you angry.

    Bottling your emotions is step one in self-harm. That\'s the fuel for the fire. If you learn how to express your frustration with other people to them, you will not have all of this stored fury turning inwards on yourself.

    Use your counselling sessions to find strategies to express yourself with other people in a way that does not bring down a shitstorm on your head. That\'s what they\'re there for, you have to get bossy with counsellors sometimes and say \'this is what i want from you today\'. Otherwise they can burble on forever. 🙂

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