I have finally reached a point in my life where I need to seek help from the outside. My whole life I have struggled with social problems and anxiety/ compulsive behavior OCD.

I have always had difficulty with making new friends and the ones I did manage to make I couldn’t keep. When I was 11 I started picking my skin when my anxiety would kick up. I would pick at nothing and enter this zone where I would completely loose track of time. I couldn’t stop doing it. I have wrecked my skin so bad now I don’t think there is any coming back from it.

About 3 years ago I started counting… everywhere I go I see things that I feel compelled to count. I don’t feel right if I don’t do it. If there is 8 beams on a ceiling I have to keep counting it over and over again, constantly forgetting about the number I came up with so I just keep re counting.

I now have insomnia… no matter what I try to do I cannot get to sleep without taking something. My mind never stops.

I am also a perfectionist. Whether it is my hair or makeup or homework that I am working on. If I start something it has to be the best and I can’t stop until I am finished and confident that it is perfect. My constant worry about what I look like has also caused me to only want to enroll in online classes. Maybe that has to do with my social anxiety.

I was diagnosed with pcos a few years ago, but not one doctor could fix me. All they tried was putting me on birth control, which seemed to make me depressed. I have been birth control free for 4 months now.

My sex life has been in a constant decline the last 3 years. I used to get turned on and enjoy sex and now it just feels pointless. I am always faking enjoyment hoping that one day my switch will just turn on and work again.

I have wanted to meet with a psychiatrist, but I cannot afford them.

 

Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice? I feel as though my life is spiraling out of control.

 

1 Comment
  1. delane 4 years ago

    ***Hugs***
    Bcookie, you are soooooooooooo not alone!
    The actions you described are very similar to my own… i developed the skin-picking probably 10 years ago, or more…and it’s continuing…*sigh i’ve done the ceiling tile-counting–a lot–just about every time i go into an office. i tried to be a perfectionist—for years—but, finally gave up, since i don’t have the energy, nor the oomph to get everything done that i’d like to or need to. Enough was enough. i still have my bouts of it, but my body has other plans, so, when it gives out, i have to stop.
    i’ve got other issues, obviously, but those i can definitely relate to.
    And, i’m not the only one, here. Holla anytime.

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