Finding my magic within my misery was a lot of work and yea I haven’t figured it all out but guess what neither do most of us and I think that’s okay because it’s better than nothing right? I mean like they say we have to do it one step at a time although I have tiny feet.

I use to be the ugly, fat black girl at school, mostly liked by boys that wanted to woo me into bed without consent or appreciation, crazy right.

I hated myself so much to a point where I always stayed at home and avoided my light my truth and my greatness yes I know I’m not Beyonce but I got to recreate myself and my truth. I got to face the music and dance to my beat which was realising that I’m gay and I’m proud although my dad seems to be a tad bit dramatic about my sexuality because of his so-called reputation and ego one that is bigger than accepting his child. But hey WHO CARES. I’M KIDDING I’M TERRIFIED.ANYWAYS.

Being bullied, taken for granted and unappreciated was my daily routine I empowered everyone else but forgot to be the queen I am. I realised a couple of m0nths back that my relationship or bond that I can’t feel with my parents was only built on my education and never on emotional and mental support it came to a point where I realised that the reason as to why I was always so insecure about my temple and my greatness was because my parents were my first bullies and they never taught me about self-love and standing up for myself. Which led me to do things out of desperation like trying to get into relationships just to feel loved although I didn’t feel that way with these partners I still feel like they are just brothers from other mothers.

Honestly just being in an emotional and verbally abusive home is no child play I mean you get greeted with hurtful words and try your best to make them proud but in the end, you got to wake up and drink the coffee because sweetie this is your life and if you live up to peoples expectations then Uhm I’M OUTTT.

I KNOW ITS HELLA RISKY BUT I CAN’T LIVE BY PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS, LIKE DAN SHERRY FROM THE MOVIE HANDSOME DEVIL SAID AND I QUOTE ”YOU SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE BEING SOMEONE ELSE, WHO IS GONNA BE YOU?”

YOU SEE I’D RATHER DIE AN ORIGINAL ME THAN FAKE MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE JUST TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY. I’VE BEEN THERE DONE THAT NOW ITS TIME FOR CHANGE.

I’m proud of myself for speaking out and trying to do everything in my power to heal. I’m also proud of you too. I’M READY TO HEAL AND GET THROUGH THESE TRAUMAS, FEARS AND HEARTACHES THAT KEEP ME FROM BEING GREAT. And yes we all know that growth is painful but let’s face it we despite ourselves and expect others to look up to us although we don’t care to see our light and magic.

I’m proud to be a lesbian that is powerful and ready to share not only her struggles but her magic. I mean like I said I can’t fix everything but I’m your shoulder to cry on. IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE. Time to accept.Time to move.Time to help not only ourselves but for others. Its never easy and it never will why I also don’t but it is what it is

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FAVOURITE LINES: ”Everybody’s story is different. There’s your version and my version, and everything in between. But the one thing all of those stories have in common is that moment right before you say those words. When your heart is racing and you don’t know what’s coming next. That moment’s really terrifying! And once you say those words, you can’t un-say them. A chapter has ended, and a new one’s begun. You have to be ready for that. You can’t do it for anyone else.”-john from happiest season

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LET US FIND OUR MAGIC IN OUR MISERY!LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN!

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