It started 2 hours after I went to sleep – woke up feeling like I was choking.  Think it was a dream (and probably a reminder to stop the cigs) , but left me a bit shakey for a while.  I had a really good work day yesterday – I sent an email to some external stakeholders saying that my last day is 12th Feb.  I got some lovely replies – my boss certainly never gives positive feedback so it was nice to go out on a high.

Anyway, woke up today, and couldn't face the thought of going into work.  When I resigned with stress – my boss discussed the idea of gardening leave – so today I emailed him and told him that I was accepting it.  Think he had retracted it but I thought fuck em – the bosses of this company just play games and I need to get myself back on my feet.  Would have expected a reply – but he didnt even manage to do that.  Had text the other director before she started work and she didn't even have the respect to call me, as she had said.

 Felt lousy today – throat still hurting so maybe I'm getting some sort of throat infection (as opposed to choking to death!)  Just really tired (well, I only got 2 hours sleep last night so I guess thats natural).  Became a bit of an emotional wreck – still can't eat. 

Trying to grab a hold back on life – called a counsellor I see when life turns shit.  Seeing her tomorrow.  I have got to prepare for a presentation on Monday for a job – I can't even get my head around the question at the moment – I know its stuff I know, but I can't get through the lack of confidence to be able to come up with the answers.  Maybe I need to re-read the nice email responses I got, and remind myself that I worked for a shit company – its not that I can't do it. 

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