After talking to one of my friends last night we agreed it would probably be a good idea for me to go to the hospital and seek some help. It's become increasingly difficult to get out of bed, shave, get a shower, eat, all of the basic necessities of life. I am still able to force myself, but it's getting harder. They checked my BSG, drew labs to check the usual stuff, and called a crisis worker in to talk to me. I didn't know what to expect really but I was kinda hoping they'd keep me overnight, knock me out with something so I'd get a good nights sleep, and maybe be able to fast track me to some therapy rather than sitting on a waiting list for a month. They can't fix this anyway, nobody can, only my ex. What I'm hoping for now is seeing a psychiatrist to start trying new meds that will help me keep going because I'm losing the will to live. I still won't kill myself, but giving up living is just as bad. I've lost 10 pounds in the last couple weeks and still don't feel like eating. I feel a slight hunger pain but nothing that motivates me to go make a sandwich or soup. All I do now is write this blog, maybe chat in the chat room for a few minutes, and lay in bed occasionally nodding off to sleep or petting my dog trying to keep her happy and comfortedsince she only has 3 or 4 months left to live. I work too, but that's only 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Once my baby gets here that'll double and that's when it will hit like a dump truck to the chest. I will suddenly want to live so I can spend time with my baby but I won't be able to. I've discussed that already so I won't go over it again.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with life, be a man and suck it up, you're overreacting, keep thinking about your baby and how their life would be without you at all, maybe you and your ex will still reconcile because there's still a lot of time before your baby is born,I know all of these answers already but none of them are working to keep me motivated to want to live. I don't know what to do anymore.

On the plus side though, I've lost 10 pounds. I'm down to 260 heh. 15 to go until I hit my lowest in adulthood. I'm at least drinking water to stay hydrated.


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