Today I planned on going to my parents for part of the day and getting a few things I needed for here but they weren't home they were at a dinner which is good I'm glad they are out and socializing they don't get that much now that they are ill. I was disappointed they weren't home though I wanted to see them, spend some time with them and let them see Landon for a while. I did end up going to do a few errands that needed to be done and this is the first time in two weeks I've been out of the house. You don't realize how much you miss out on when you aren't out and about even being stuck in traffic didn't bother me. My therapist says I need to get out more if just to go look around in a store boy will she be upset with me over this one *grinning*
I used to come in here and chat every night before I went to bed and I haven't been on the last few nights. I just didn't think I'd be very much company or do anyone else any good. I feel blah, feel very lonely. I don't have any friends here to come over and talk or just hang out with because I never get out to do something like meeting people. There are a number of people in this complex that are my age sure but I never see anyone. I think that's most of my problem I just don't have anyone here all I have are the people in here to talk to. I babysit everyday for Landon and Eli the baby and they are precious but with my disabilities by the end of the day I hurt so much and am so tired I just give up on doing something for me. Lately I've just been going to bed but I get up in the morning feeling like I did before I went to bed. I hate my life and if it wasn't for the boys I don't know what I'd be doing or where I'd be probably in bed all the time crying over nothing and feeling sorry for myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't bother with my hair I just put it up or let it hang and go on, don't wear anything special just whatever suits the weather then all day long it's the kids and no adult conversation unless I come in here at night. I know the boys love me but I feel like no one else does, I feel like I'm not one of those people who are lucky in love but I think I've dealt with that. I do wish that I could do more things for myself like sewing, reading, writing and watching more movies but I either have no time or when I do I'm too tired so what kind of life is this? Only the boys, they are all that keep me going.