So with great sorrow, I've made my decision… With everything that is happening with my boyfriend, I have to say goodbye… I'm going to do it as soon as possible, which would be Tuesday…. I can't stop thinking about it… Its horrible. I didn't get much sleep last night. I probably won't for a while. Since his phone is turned off right now my phone is dead silent. I keep telling myself that this is just something that I have to get used to… He has always been the only person I text all the time. So without him… Everything will just fill empty. I have to constantly remind myself why I am doing it just to stay somewhat okay. I just… I can't keep living like this. Its almost as if this relationship is imaginary with how much we don't see or talk to each other. And I mean really talk not like the mindless texting that we do all the time… I want to live my teenage life the way it should be lived. Just being crazy and having fun. I can't do that with my boyfriend. I can't have him in the back of my mind every second of the day as I try and balance my life. There are so many problems with our relationship and I feel that I just can't take it anymore. I have to do this. This is the one part of my life that I can change and have fun with. So if I'm miserable in this part, then I'm doing something wrong…
I shouldn't feel guilty… I mean, he was willing to pack up and leave me here to go with his father… I'm not saying anything bad about that. That makes him such a sweet guy but it just says something… He has more control with his life. He's willing to drop everything for the things that are most important to him. I should be most important to myself. I need to start treating myself with the respect that normal people do. I need to do this for myself.
But I can't stop thinking how bad this is going to hurt. For the both of us… Maybe that was why I haven't done this sooner. I don't want a broken heart… But I know if I do this now, my life will change for the better. I now its mean to say but its almost like he has been dragging me down… So maybe this is the right step that I need to go forward. And who knows? Maybe we will meet up on day in the future and try again and it will be better?
I just need to do this for me.