Down to earth I come, I come. Slowly touching my foot to dirt and grass, slowly letting my sole ease into the cold wet grass. No more do I float in the heavens, no more do I see things cosmically connected. I am human once again. I regret ~ regret not being among the realm of the truly gifted anymore, regret that my wings have been taken from me, regret that I can't climb a rope to get back to my stars… The only thing I have here now is the "real" me, the sick me, the- bipolar- illness- is- the-only- reason- you- feel- like- that- ever me. I don't like this "me" much. She's unsure, uncertain, unsung by her own self even.Doesn't realize if she's coming or going, up ordown, inside or out. How uncomfortable this skin is now.; ill-fitting, too tight, too constrictivefor the thoughts and ideas that came so easily just a day or two ago.Now they don't visit at all ~ what is it aboutthis me that they don't like? I suck in a breathand her lungs feel too small to hold what I want,her brain too slow to think like it should. How doI make us merge or bring herup to my level? I still see beauty, but not the distinct ways I couldsee it before or hear it ~ so delicate and fragile and mind-blowingly gorgeous; like the points of a snowflake forming, the drop of water witha rainbow init in the sunlight's glow, the harmonied whisperysong of the trees that made up a symphony. Iam human again, and no longer privyto these secrets. Not that I ever wasn't human, but different kind of human. More enlightened. More intensely spirit, self and in touch with all that lived around me, within me. We were all one. Now we are all separate again, notconjoined creatures of light and energy. I only feela faint flicker of it when I petan animal orhug my son. It's nothing like itwas before.
I'm bored. Nothing here holds my attention. I could sleep, but that wouldn'tbe parentally good of me with my young son home alone with me. Comingdown isso hard on me…I feel like a lead balloon now, lying heavily on the ground, completely atodds with what I was made to be. Idiosyncratic. Ironic. Ajoke.
Happy Black Friday everyone ~ as Maris said, it isa black Friday indeed.