Hello readers, i\’ve been in this group for about nine years and i can say it really helped me out of some very difficult periods in my life. Now I am back here just to empty my soul and release some of my frustration hoping for comfort. I’ve dealt with one type of illnedd to another, from anxiety attacks, to social anxiety, and now i’ve come to the realization that my relocation depression is taking over my life. I am as lonely as ever, becoming bitter and very angry because i am at a good place in my life but i don’t allow myself to enjoy it.  No more recreational drugs,  hardly any  alcohol, no more so called “friends\” no more dry sunny skies. In return i have myself, my 3 year old who i love dearly, and his dad, a stable job, and tropical storms in the summer with cloudy skies. People back home think i am succeeding, doing \”good\”. Oh how i\’ve tried to do the best i can, get up smile in the mirror and say to myself you\’ll have a good day today, despite the fact i have no friends. I feel imprisoned like a caged bird. And it makes me mad that i can’t enjoy this period of my life. That i can’t be okay without immediate family. Why does it have to be this way? Its been 4 years and i feel at my worse. I sleep alot. I work night shift. I stopped exercising( im always exhausted and choose to lay down instead). ive decided to go back home in January but the fear of my past habits and decisions is giving me condemnation instead of joy, i am confused and also guilty for some reason. I am afraid i wont feel better.