Hello readers, i\’ve been in this group for about nine years and i can say it really helped me out of some very difficult periods in my life. Now I am back here just to empty my soul and release some of my frustration hoping for comfort. I’ve dealt with one type of illnedd to another, from anxiety attacks, to social anxiety, and now i’ve come to the realization that my relocation depression is taking over my life. I am as lonely as ever, becoming bitter and very angry because i am at a good place in my life but i don’t allow myself to enjoy it.  No more recreational drugs,  hardly any  alcohol, no more so called “friends\” no more dry sunny skies. In return i have myself, my 3 year old who i love dearly, and his dad, a stable job, and tropical storms in the summer with cloudy skies. People back home think i am succeeding, doing \”good\”. Oh how i\’ve tried to do the best i can, get up smile in the mirror and say to myself you\’ll have a good day today, despite the fact i have no friends. I feel imprisoned like a caged bird. And it makes me mad that i can’t enjoy this period of my life. That i can’t be okay without immediate family. Why does it have to be this way? Its been 4 years and i feel at my worse. I sleep alot. I work night shift. I stopped exercising( im always exhausted and choose to lay down instead). ive decided to go back home in January but the fear of my past habits and decisions is giving me condemnation instead of joy, i am confused and also guilty for some reason. I am afraid i wont feel better. 

2 Comments
  1. elf 4 years ago

    What a dilemma. You long for your home and extended family (why not view your son and his dad as your immediate family?) but you know that there are temptations to fall into old ways. Do you have a support group where you are? something like an AA group where you can share your fears. They have all faced the same things. It must be so hard. Addicts have to cut ties with friends who are still using/abusing but then you suddenly have no friends.

    I know this site has changed in the years since you were here. It’s been a year since the new site was launched. A lot of people left and it is hard to get a good core group to stay. I’m guilty of not checking in for weeks or months. But try to come back and share. You can help us build back to an active group. In the mean time, stay focused on the life you have. When you do go back ‘home’ keep things structured so you have little chance of falling into old habits. Best wishes for a joyful and peaceful day.

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  2. caitlin3 4 years ago

    I feel you on the no friends aspect. I have mad social anxiety myself, which has lead to me not developing friendships and letting all old friendships wither, to where I am at now with no friends (unless dogs count, and I totally count my dog as my friend 🙂 ). It has been a GREAT de-stressor to not have to worry about other people and plans and everything that comes with trying to juggle relationships with anxiety, but it has been years of this now and I feel like I am in a place where I want to start trying to do the human connection thing again. I also went through a pretty rough period of sleeping a lot, not exercising, just kind of floating along without caring about much (depression AND anxiety, always awesome..). So, I’m on this site to try to foster some connections with people who get it, and to try to get through it together. I hope you are able to get glimpses of things feeling a little better, but I know it is super fucking rough to see that side sometimes.

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