hi iam curt. I have been going through such a terrible rutt since April 19th. It all started over a girl I met last Sept on anxiety tribe. She is from Indianna and I am from Pa. Well we have been talking since Sept almost everyday , few times a day. We kind of fell for eachother. Well in April we stopped talking , well i stopped because it really cannot go anywhere and i can't be friends with her now because she is seeing someone( I cannot blame her, she told me she wants me to move there and she wants me but i cannot ) well April 19th comes she calls to see how I am doing. we talk and she tells me that she is talking to a guy. Well that hurt and it brought back my ocd. Then we started talking again and it was nice but she keeps metting new men even though she love me because she is ready for that committment again. Today I told her i had to stop talking to her because it hurts to much to know she is dating someone(she wants to remain friends). Well all my other obsessions have come about since April 19th, fear of getting older, always having ocd, never getting out of this particular rutt and feeling decent again. It seems like evrytime i get into one of these relapses they last me 2 to 3 months. Then i don't know why but i seem to get better somehow. I am just so scared of never feeeling better agagin. I feel like I am in a black, lonely world full of depression and anxiety. OC hurts and it takes everything away. I am now 41. I went to college, played college basketball, 14 years in the Service but never a family. Sometimes i feel like I am married to my ocd. I hate it so much…. It brings me down so bad. And at 41 feel like time is running out. Just praying I feel better again