yesterday called the ambulance to transport dad to the hospital it pained me to call but i promised him that he would return back to home no matter what happens i have been given assurance that dad will return home so he can die at home. spent most of the day and night in the E.R trying to get him stablized they tell me he has gone back into chf and that he has 2 weeks to 6 months to live which i know is in the weeks not months. my brother i fear will not get here in time for he doesn't seem to be in any hurry to come it pains me to see that his relationship with his father is null and that is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life and if he ends up having a guilty concsious then i guess he will have to live with it i tried to tell him now is the time to resolve any childhood issues he had with dad but he turned a deaf hear. i believe my mission that i set out to fulfill 3 years ago is coming to a final end as far as my dad is concerned i too had many childhood issues but was able to overcome all of them through this process with my dad i will have no guilt to live with after he is gone i am at peace and forgive him of everything he did or said to me I overcame with pure Love for my father i have to go now to the hospital now i was there till midnight last night i suppose now we have to make arrangements for a funeral while he is in the hospital i tried to get it set up 2 years ago but met with negative response from the family i think time is now of the essence and no one will oppose me now
May 29th diary
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why i joined
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I wrote this to feel better It didn’t make me feel better I used to wake up every morning...



