mood: lonely… in pain… tired… bored…: those are all my moods right now…

for 4 whole hours i thought my mom would be on my side when she starts working at my job(she had to get a job with me after all the nice bonus points you get at working there, BUT STILL!! its my place to work!and she was the one who wanted me to get another job…), but i was wrong… she’s going to give the customer what ever they want because i wouldn’t… just to say that oh sorry my daughter is stupid… well she’ll never say it directly, but she’ll imply it…

my mom has always said “damned if i do damned if i don’t…” i grew up with that saying… and its true for everything with me… damned if i say no(’cause she’ll cry and say she needs the money), damned if i say yes(’cause everyone will like her more…) and she has enough gosh darn money… she just wants to use other money to go on a freakin cruise… and truthfully i don’t care… i just wish i had some of the money i made… most of it goes to her…

now i get about 1,200 bucks a month, from my 2 jobs… i pay 600 for rent(to live at home), 50 for insurance on a car i barely drive(its my mom’s car), and the rest sorta disappears and she gets it for things i sopposibly owe her for… i may get a whole 150 out of the deal… i feel ripped off… i hate florida all together… since we moved here in june ’05 my life went to shit…

i’m a highly sensitive person; noises, smells, sight, touch… it all drives me nuts, ever since i was little… i can’t stand noise, sometimes the wind could drive me crazy, or a snap of the door, or a high pitch laugh…

or loud music from a car driving by at 1am

people talking too… strong scent like tar for the new roof the have to rebuild or something… disgusting… or my big dog’s piss is aweful… makes you want to puke… as for sight… all the fast movements just knock me for aloop, hmmm maybe thats why i go slightly slower at everything i’m trying to adapt, but i’m never fast enough… the slightest bit of pain hurts so much so that i keep away from getting hurt as much as possible… but right now its tightened muscles and it hurts like hell!!!

so the last paragraphy was just info into the why i hate sofla… i hate it because there’s thousands of more people, sounds, stress, and not enough quiet time… i need my quiet time… its not a want its a need… before florida i live in AZ, tristate area… little crap town of bullhead city… but there i was able to have my quiet time by walking into my backyard and climbing the hill… now my back yard is 4 walls and a cement slab… IT SUCKS!!!

ok i’m tired of writing so i’ll stop now………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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