Maybe I should finish with Chris.

Maybe I should get rid of my car.

Maybe I should give Oscar up for adoption.  

Then maybe I can have the life I want.

I can start again. I can clear my debts as Chris isnt interested in me having inependance, as long as he is happy then everything is ok. He can have his car, his motorbike and earn twice as much as me and not pay out as much as me. I will have nothing, pay out all of my wages to keep a roof over our heads. I wont have a car, I wont have freedom. I will be will a stay at home person. 

I feel as though me and Chris are stuck in a rut. As i say as long as he has his stuff he is happy. He wants, when the baby is born, for me to have dinner on the table for when he gets in, have a spotless house and be the perfect house wife.

Why do I only now feel as though I have made a mistake?

I do love him, but I feel as though he is trying to control what is going on in my life.

I asked him last night if i could have £5 for electric and he said he had no money on him, fair enough where was the offer of will it wait till i get in tomorrow? there was none. That is how broke I am. I cant even afford to put electric in the meter or pay the water bill so I am going to have to sell my car so I can afford things. Chris gets to keep his motorbike AND his car and i get sod all. 

It's just not fair.