My previous post I was thinking because I am about to make a big move and up until now I have been doing pretty well but I am moving away from all my friends and family and for those of you out there with depression you know having a solid support team can mean the difference between running around striving to do and be better and laying in bed all day thinking about all the ways you could off yourself.

I have had some serious abuse in my past that was left alone, shrugged off, and buried deep until I could not handle the pain anymore and I ran with one of my ideas. After that I went through the hospital system and saw a counciler its been about 2 years since and I have been doing really great but I am so afraid that I will relapse into depression. I am moving from a pretty big area to a much smaller area away from almost everyone I know. I am moving with my significant other so he is also very aware of the situation and almost turned the job down because of it but I mean it's his dream job. I did not have the heart to keep him here.

I have been doing so well and I am very far from being depressed right now but I am very scared that I will fall back so before I move Im hoping to get into an online community where I can have some sort of support other than just my man.

As much as he means well and really does try to get it he has a hard time listening when I need to talk about some of the things that have happened. It just tends to make him very angry. Not at me but more so the same anger I struggled with for years against those who hurt me. Still it makes it difficult to talk to him about how i feel because it hurts him so that I was hurt so much and when I do start talking about some of the heaver feelings and concerns he gets very worried. My last hospital visit was very difficult for him. Now all that being said I know he knows what to look for to make sure I'm not falling but I am also a pretty great actress.

I dont know how many other people get embarassed with there significant other when they have a fall. But I do. I know he loves me and just wants me to be safe, but I have a lot of insucurities that make me feel like if I'm not perfect then he will leave me. Even though he has proven time and again that he is not going anywhere its hard to shake a lifetime that has taught you otherwise.

Anyways I am looking to find some support while I move and have fears popping up like wild fire that may make my friends and family uneasy. Now if any of you say I need to talk to them about a certain fear or feeling I will. I am totally dedicated to my mental health. I never want to fall to the place i was before, but I also don't want to alram everyone when I am just afraid. But I have talked with my therapist and if I need her then I can contact her also we are looking into new council, but this is kind of a quick move so it may take a little while to get established with a new doctor.

Any words of encouragement would be most welcomed