The importance of what you internalize might seem pretty obvious, but to me, i've blown it off for a long time. retreating into my head to avoid the world has pretty much cut me off from myself too. So that makes the matter pretty interesting to me now. If you have the awareness, intimacy, and fortitude you really can build yoursel. even with that in mind, i've always felt like i've been struggling to be the way i want. If anything though, the way i've been has always been at odds to what i've told myself. after all, a person is most likely doing something that they're comfortable with. Especially, if it's recurring. There's the issue of what's living and what's just getting by, and to that i run from. I used to have a friend who made the great observation, that the hardest things are usually the most noble and sincere. actually she said that she believed to show that you care, is to usually do something hard in support. I think that carries to a lot of matters, though. is it possible to be jealous of yourself? i think i used to be unique, and now that i only feel lost. i want to make myself what i'd call better. Am i just chasing something i'll never reach. This kind of thing always comes from not being accepting of myself…it's so hard to do though.How long do i have to hate myself for? I think sometimes it's just a trap. For myself and others. I think i want to trap myself into being miserable, because i'm self sabotaging like that and at the same time i feel like i want somebody else to stop me, but that's horrible to want a person around for that reason. that's not the basis for anything good.


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