Sat in a courthouse and finally had time to write so both the original and alternate introductions I wrote for my book are somehow seamlessly connected, though I'm sure it will take a hundred more rewrites maybe I've made some progress in my style. I guess I've preserved all of the turns of phrase I liked and tightened the elements. Hope I'm not leaving things in there that shouldn't be and making it bulky. Sometimes a fragment sounds awesome but most needs to be cut. I suppose it is entirely possible that I've actually developed an appreciation for unique and satisfying phraseology, of course I have no idea how to balance the symbolic description with straightforward exposition. On top of that I hope it's a good story and that's all I have to say about that.

The real reason I'd been dreading this day which is otherwise a paid vacation day during which I could get some quality laptop time in is that it necessitated a return to the city which had housed my tragic first date…I should clarify that it was a tragedy precisely because it went so well here in this city and the ensuing clusterbomb of screw-ups makes it all the more poignant to be here where I almost got it right. I walked up and down the street like a zombie, pausing at the bar we first tried and then making my way over to the parking garage where I had dropped her off and we failed for the third and last time to simply push our almost willing lips together.

It's as if I expected to her to somehow remember the date I had offhandedly mentioned and just sort of be casually waiting there with lunch to tell me she's sorry and we could start over, now just how pathetic is that one, really sad but I half-expected her to be that crazy about me, awfully silly of me to think in the city we could just sort of run into each other like strangers in the night and pretend the past never happened. I should have spent my hope on better things, like that somehow I would be so wrapped up in her that I wouldn't appear desperate and might actually meet somebody new.

I just sat there, staring at the spot as if my desire could somehow summon that moment back from the past, that last time that everything had still been cool and it really was just like a movie across the street at that exact moment there is a food distributor making a delivery to the restaurant and he's actually singing along with the Chicago song blasting in his van. "Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other…" If that's a sign, OK but I just can't handle too many more of these meaningless serendipitous moments.

I went there hoping I'd have the werewithal to stare that spot down and then turn and walk out from that point in my life, but some businessmen stepped out and got in my way before I was done giving myself symbolic closure and sort of stormed off disgustedly with regrets still hanging over me. After all that we've been through…

I figured as long as I'm stuck in this city I should find someplace cool to eat and almost ended up at Subway anyway (which is probably where she actually was at that moment, come to think of it), but walked a bit further and found this nice Italian place near the playhouse, Stage Left which seemed appropriate somehow. Our ability for artifice and understanding of words are what brought us together, but I have no words that can make her love me and there are no genuine emotions behind the surface connection, I guess. It was a bit upscale for me and I still don't know what "capers" are but I've had them. I figure if you don't spoil yourself sometimes you're not living, right I mean even lovers need a holiday….

Well not much to say about the case or my dismissal of myself from it. My quite storied past was related to the topic at hand. He broke rule 11, so I got to go home early. Isn't it weird how they try to weed out every person in the jury who actually has some experience with the crime to be discussed? As if it's possible to find a completely objective person to figure on someone's guilt or lack thereof. What a system!…They call in all these experts and then they make sure the people actually making the decision have absolutely no frame of reference with which to decide.