so i finally, to my relief, overcame an obsession that it wasnt gonna feel right and my gf, to me, would feel like she was some other person or not her, this weekend, and i ws so overjoyed. everything was still fucked up but i had the girl i love and it was ok. but now, to my shock (dunno why I'm shocked, it never stops), another obsession has arisen. i was nervously compulsing, imagining my gf just righ tto prevent something bad from happening, when, all of a sudden, i couldnt imagine her right. i got so frustrated that i felt emptionless. then i got scared, that it would be permanent, and id lose my feelings and my love for my gf. now, even though i want to be with my gf more than anything and i love her so so much, im scared it took away my feelings and love for her. and, everything else in my life is gone. she IS the reason i get up in the morning. She IS the reason i still try. its really codependant but i dont really care. you see, my life is so downhill, i have nothing left, but her. and i love her so so much, but now my ocd has targeted her and im losing her to my mind and im scared i lost my feelings for her and i dont want that to happen, and even though i know its ocd and it will go away most likely, i feel like im not sure if it is ocd or not and like it wont go away. im scared. im at risk tonight. i didnt tell the therapist today or my parents but im scared im gonna kill myself, but i dont really wanna do that, i just wanna be with my gf and i wish i could see her even if it felt wrong or whatever so i could have someone to be here with me. i need her and i need this obsession to pass. im scared.
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Ok, Tiny Dancer…we're going to do this on the blogs so everybody sees it. Make the promise–you will not harm yourself. This is no different from the last obsession. Your OCD just found a new way to spin it. Make me the promise you won't harm yourself because you said you're at risk and I know you. I care about you.
i promise but i want to so so bad 🙁 i love my gf so much and i finally had a reason to fight again but it took her back and i cant handle how im feeling without her and i just lost her to my head again.