I just got home a little while ago from teaching a lesson. I'm so glad I went because it reminded me of how truly capable I am and how much I do enjoy it when I make myself do it and not make excuses. I guess it's an anxiety thing. My therapist and I are talking about some of this lately ~ how I always feel like a fraud in my musical abilities and what people think I am academically and socially. I have a hard time taking off the mask and looking at it for what it really is ~ a poor self-esteem issue that stems from not believing I'm worth much, if anything. I've felt like this my entire life. It's why I excelled at everything ~ because it was the only way I could feel worth something. Now that I'm sick with bipolar it has made it a HUGE issue in the past 5 years. Guess I just have to keep working on it.

I felt great after teaching, but now I'm pretty tired and irritable again. I think a hot bath with some bubbles, a book and candlelight is in order tonight. I don't get to pamper myself very often, but I'm the only one up at this point and I'm not mentally ready to go to bed ~ I'll just lie there and think about pointless stuff.

Hope you all are having a good week so far. Mine's been all over the place, butmaybe for now that's overwith. Please send positive thoughts and prayers to my friend ~ she's started chemo today and needs all the love and support she can get. I would appreciate it greatly if you could take a moment and do that for her.

Thank you allso much. Light and love to you and (hugs)to all~ Key

3 Comments
  1. tcsoprano 8 years ago

    good for you. that first paragraph sounds like I could have written it….sounds a lot like my life! Sending prayers to your friend and wishing her the best. And wishing you the best too <3 - t

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  2. Andie372 8 years ago

     People who excel are rarely happy with their work I've noticed.  Us mediocores think you're dazzling, so go for it and show off your talents.

    You are so worth it.  

     

    Bipolar and anxiety try to rob us of who we truly are; stay true to yourself your inner spirit can guide the way through all the ups and downs.  This is what I believe.  

     

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  3. sadviolinist 8 years ago

    Thank you all so much, and Andie ~ NO ONE is mediocre!   🙂   I really believe everyone is amazing in their own way.  It's just a matter of finding it and believing it yourself.  😉    Which is hard to do…

    ~Key 

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