I just got home a little while ago from teaching a lesson. I'm so glad I went because it reminded me of how truly capable I am and how much I do enjoy it when I make myself do it and not make excuses. I guess it's an anxiety thing. My therapist and I are talking about some of this lately ~ how I always feel like a fraud in my musical abilities and what people think I am academically and socially. I have a hard time taking off the mask and looking at it for what it really is ~ a poor self-esteem issue that stems from not believing I'm worth much, if anything. I've felt like this my entire life. It's why I excelled at everything ~ because it was the only way I could feel worth something. Now that I'm sick with bipolar it has made it a HUGE issue in the past 5 years. Guess I just have to keep working on it.
I felt great after teaching, but now I'm pretty tired and irritable again. I think a hot bath with some bubbles, a book and candlelight is in order tonight. I don't get to pamper myself very often, but I'm the only one up at this point and I'm not mentally ready to go to bed ~ I'll just lie there and think about pointless stuff.
Hope you all are having a good week so far. Mine's been all over the place, butmaybe for now that's overwith. Please send positive thoughts and prayers to my friend ~ she's started chemo today and needs all the love and support she can get. I would appreciate it greatly if you could take a moment and do that for her.
Thank you allso much. Light and love to you and (hugs)to all~ Key