It sickens me.  I get in touch with a friend I've been trying to contact for weeks, trying to set up a time to hang out and just do something together, but they're too busy.  And the answer seems honest enough.  The problem is tonight I stopped by her FB page and see that she has been really busy- hanging out with other people.

Once upon a time I called this person my best friend~ now I'm seeing how much of a true stranger she has become.  It breaks my heart; I've known her most of our lives, we've been friends for the same.  It used to be that when things got bad for either of us we'd come running for each other, take that person out to go do something, or just be there to make them laugh through their tears or stomach virus or whatever was happening.

Things have been awkward between us since I got really sick with depression 5 years ago, but we still made a point to get together and do things if we could.  And we'd call and stop by just to say hi and hang out some.  My illness made her very uncomfortable, and I couldn't pretend that I was just fine if you know what I mean.

As I slowly began to recover from being suicidal and completely out of touch with reality, I made more attempts to see her or have her come by and visit for a little bit. It's been a tough road, and I'm far from healthy, but it's been better I thought.

About 2 months ago I was pre-diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder, Mixed.  Things finally began to make sense to me about some of the things that were happening to me and why I'd seem to get better and then crash again a short time span later. 

When I told her about the news, it was like someone flipped a switch.  All of a sudden she doesn't make any time for me, finds reasons not to be around me or not available to hang out.  She doesn't answer my phone calls or call me back when I leave a message for her or an email.

I know I'm better off without having this type of friendship, but I can't help but mourn the many years of love and closeness that I've lost with this person.  I've decided not to call her anymore or stop by, and to just let things be and walk away. 

Am I doing the right thing? Is there a better way to handle what's happening here?  My heart's breaking but I feel like the only thing I have control over is how much I choose to allow this to hurt me and for how long. 

1 Comment
  1. jasper 12 years ago

     Im sorry for your loss.

    Yes, You are doing the right thing, even though it will break your heart. sometimes people cannot comprehend what we go through in our illness, and they move on while we are stuck with ourselves. Its unfortunate but true. 

    Looking on the brighter side You have all of DT to be your friend, confidante and penpals.   I hope your spirits are lifted a little knowing you are NOT alone.

    ((((((hugs)))))

    Jasper

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