I’ve noticed that when I’m alone is when I can’t get anything done. It’s like not having the presence of another person causes me to just stop wanting to function. My trailer is trashed and I just can’t bring myself to clean it unless someone is present. I can’t focus on schoolwork unless I’m talking it through with another person. I try extremely hard to push past the barrier blocking me from getting anything done but my thoughts are so clouded that I can’t.

     I don’t know what it is exactly but I’ve been having issues for a while. When certain emotions arise or certain experiences happen my mind fogs. I guess I’m still having conversations and doing things but I don’t remember them. It’s happened more than once. My home is a mess and so is my brain. Sometimes it feels like someone is literally holding my hand, and it creeps me out so bad I wake up because of it. Or I hear conversations that aren’t being said. Or even, and this scares me the most, I’d be thinking to myself and another thought that isn’t mine would respond as if I were having a conversation with someone. 

     I don’t understand really what it is, but it’s been affecting me and my anxiety a great deal lately. I’m scared to turn out like my mother… I’m scared that I’m losing myself.