I’m feeling so alone and I hate myself for the fact that continually I just want my old friend who abandoned me after I tried to kill myself to love me because I love them so much… Though maybe it’s not love maybe it’s just a love of being loved of having someone who cares for you. I don’t know. I just feel so desperate to not feel alone sometimes. I feel just sharp and jagged on the inside like broken glass. Sometimes the pain of being alive seems to just cumulate into this thing I’m living in that doesn’t let me want to live, and even when things are alright they seem to only slip into depression. Lately I’ve been worried about [redacted name] because he probably hates me, or my old friend [redacted] hates me for talking to [redacted] who he sits next to during my Lit class. And I’m worried [redacted other] hates me.  And I’m worried [redacted other other] hates me, and [redacted other other other] doesn’t want to talk to me, and [redacted] and [redacted] probably wish I was dead. I miss loving people and feeling okay. I’m worried about my next AP Spanish class cause I’m going to mess up cause it’s all in Spanish and I’m bad at Spanish, and I have to talk to my History teacher about one of the assignments they marked as missing and I have to fix my orbital radius calculations on my physics database lab, and I have to start this online physics quest, and I have to finish my college applications stuff. I’ve been listening to some good music though, I think [redacted] probably doesn’t hate me, and I’m caught up in Literature and TOK. So that’s good. I hope I can give you some other good news soon.