I haven't had the best day today. Been trying to stay upbeat, but just not working. Realized a little bit ago that 3 years ago I had a good job, married, and had 2 beautiful little girls. Now 2 out of 3 of those are gone. Divorced almost 2 years ago and lost my job back in March. I've been looking but I can't find anything. 2 months behind on the mortgage and the lights will be turned out in about 2 weeks if I don't get some money fast. Lol. Good days, I tell ya. I don't know what to do. Feeling the lowest I've felt in a longggg while today. I've got friends telling me about their problems, and I try to be there for them but the whole time I'm thinking SHUT THE FUCK UP! They have it so bad? Why? Because you're husband is a dick that doesn't want to help you do anything? You're mad because you work and pay all the bills? Tell him to get out! And the other one! You're upset because your boyfriend is arguing with you because he's mad at his WIFE??? WTF? I just don't have the energy to hear it. I don't want to hear it.
Thought about suicide again today. I'M NOT GOING TO, so no one call 911 or anything. Just thought about it. The suicide group that I though met in my area once a week was disbanded! LMAO! Is that a sign or what? I just don't know what to do. Honestly, if it wasn't for my daughters, I'd have packed up and disappeared (or worse) a while ago.
I'm tired everyday. There are no jobs hiring in my area. I've even put in apps at fast food places. Even though that won't cover half of my bills, it's still something. They aren't even hiring. I don't know what to do. This normally helps to get things out there because I won't tell anyone in the real world what I'm feeling. So, I'm hoping it helps again. I'm not trying to use anyone one here and if no one reads it, that's fine. I just feel better getting my thoughts out there. I don't really think it's helping today though. I'm just lost.