I feel so completely out of control of finances.  I really hate it.  My whole life I’ve been poor, my parents raised me poor, I’m poor now, I actually earn like twice my parents’ old income, just on my own, not to speak of George’s income as well, but these days, it’s just not enough.  It never seems like enough.  It’s not enough, apparently, for both of us to work full-time and our son to spend 10 hours a day in childcare, just so we can…not afford to survive.  It is unbelievable the way, if you have a child, you can’t afford to live unless you’re making at least £60k as a family.  And who makes £60k?  not the majority, I’m sure.  I am trying to get a new job, one that pays more, but then no one will respond to my CV because apparently you get pigeonholed for a particular job even after only having two jobs!  I was shocked about that.  And everyone’s saying I’m not skilled enough for a PA job.  A PA JOB!  Of course I am!  In fact, I know I’m better than just a PA job.  It’s just, I can’t sell my other skills.  Well, I could, but not immediately, and not without starting out selling them for next to nothing for many years and working my way up – which is not an option, because I have a child.  [br][br]The sad thing is, if I lived alone, no George, no Percy, just me, I could afford everything with money to spare.  That’s a scary thought, I feel guilty for having it, but no I don’t WANT that, I just think it’s a really messed up situation.  We are so in debt, it freaks me out, and then we keep going over our overdraft limit, so we just end up losing more money on fees, and that scares me, and the bank sent me a letter saying they need me to pay back the unplanned overdraft money, and I’m like…but I can’t!  I mean, I even called them, and they said they can’t even give me a loan because we’ve gone over the limit the last couple months so we don’t meet their criteria – well where do I get the money, then?  So we had to ask George’s dad to help out, and he has, but I feel like, okay that’s this month, isn’t it just going to happen again next month, though? [br][br] I feel terrified, literally paralysed with fear over money, and I always have felt this way, my whole life, I’m so so so bloody sick of feeling petrified about money!!  And it’s not even due to laziness!  I work 9-5.30 every weekday, and THEN I do private tutoring on Sundays!  So I’m actually doing TWO jobs, working 6 days a week, and yet it’s still not enough!  It’s absolutely unbelievable.  And then with the landlady at the old house ripping us off and refusing to give us back our deposit even though we did nothing wrong to the house, and being unable to sue because the law is written so insanely, and then one of the schools George teaches at deciding they can no longer afford to hire a music teacher so his hours are going to be cut back for a while…it’s like, come on.  We’re good people, we are working SO SO HARD, give us a break!  [br][br]And I work at a finance company so I know what the current economic climate is, and I feel comforted at least by the thought that almost everyone seems to be in the same boat, and even rich people, it’s an illusion, they all just have bigger overdrafts than we do, that’s all…but even so, it’s really scary.  I just don’t know what to do.  And when the housing market crashes here, we won’t even have been able to save up a deposit to take advantage of the situation.  And in the next month or two, my wedding dress is going to arrive, and then I’ll have to pay that off, and like I’m thinking of all the things to get for the wedding, and it’s not even going to be some big flashy event, I mean we’ve only budgeted it at £3,500, I mean that’s nothing, compared to what some people spend, and the number of people who have told me they can’t come because they’re overseas, it’ll probably end up costing less than that anyway – and yet I don’t know how to afford it, and it’s really got me down.  [br][br]Like, I don’t think about it constantly, I get on with my life, I forget about it…but then it’ll hit me again, the reality, the fact that I CAN’T just ignore it, something NEEDS to be done about it…but you know, how would I be able to exist day-to-day if I just kept worrying about it?  I really just don’t know what to do, and I just suddenly remembered it and felt really upset about it again.  I’m sure I’ll be fine in like 10 minutes, but at this moment I feel utterly, utterly miserable.

1 Comment
  1. Sany27 14 years ago

    Sorry to hear that Vrinda. If it will make you a little better I'm in the same position. My partner and I both work full time and have ok salaries but we still owe a lot. Credit card is maxed out and I haven't a clue how to pay it. We have a lot of direct debits going out from our accounts and I'm broke every month way before the month is over. He thinks we're ok for money but I don't want to just be ok. I want to be able to afford a holiday as we never really go anywhere. I would just like that we don't owe any money to anyone and then I'd be really happy. I'm jealous of my sister and how she saves a lot of money and we both get the same amount each month. Maybe we just spend too much in little things every day and it all adds up. I'm broke at the moment my self but he gave me some money to keep me going until pay day on Friday (can't wait) but I'm sure I'll be buying more stuff like clothes or whatever as soon as I get paid. I better start to be more strict with finances.

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