I'm trying not to be easily offended , its so fucking hard when people say certain things. Jokes are so easily misconstrued online or people will take the smallest mistakes and pounce on you like a crippled chicken . Make you feel so small. Why does that have to be the empowerment in life? I have a feeling i'm going to be a very big minority at work, and people will try to step on me b/c of my timidness and foot in mouth syndrome.

In class i would know things and comprehend things a lot faster than some other people and ridiculously enough it made them feel stupid always asking me questions, so when they found my week spot they were all over it. Even the teacher. If i was the slightest bit sensitive over something they'd make sure to put a spotlight on it. They resented me for some reason. I think they thought that i thought i was better than them, when in reality i was admiring them and their ability to be so open and social.

All these things from the past have dwindled my self esteem down to nothing. I used to be stronger, now i am just more irritable and hypersensitive. Sometimes i feel like i shoudl just never open my mouth.

The real reason why i wrote this blog was b/c i'm planning on taking the lexapro samples very soon, teh pain is getting worse and the shot didnt help so antidepressants have been known to help people for depression from chronic pain. I think its my only resort, i cant exercise enough to get enough endorphins keeping me happy and ive tried nothing which doesnt seem to work so its time to take it up a notch.

1 Comment
  1. Girlncahoots 15 years ago


    Why would they be exaggerated? I guess you would have had to been there. Seen the snears they gave me, saw the girl who threatened me if i didnt get out of her seat ( when we didnt have assigned seats) Saw the girls that were supposed to be my friends laugh and scoff at me when they realized they could. People from around where i was would only respect you if you had a mouth on you. I'm not saying everyone, but a lot, and especially the girls from the carribean and NY. They were born with attitude. It was a shitty experience and i doubt i exaggerated it. BUT maybe im taking that experience and applying it to everyone everywhere which i shouldnt do. I always think everyone will turn out the same, so in that respect, yeah its hard for me to see the good in people unless its blatantly obvious they are a caring person. 

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