Im going to probanly be writing a few blogs about my unborn baby over the nect few months because its my only way of making sense of everytghing.  Right now i am a bag of mixed emotions.  I am thrilled to be pregnant, relieved i am fertile and that my body can work in a normal way but im so scared for my babies welfare.  Im scared that m ocd is going to stop me looking after myself properly whike i am pregnant and scared that i will neglect my child when its born because of the obeseeions.  i have this obsession with having everyhting in order and in place but for some reason it feels like it never is, i don;t know how better to explain it than that.  I don't know if having an unplanned preganancy makes this worse or better because i don't know what the future is going to hold.  All i know is that, if all goes well, i should have a happy bundle of joy in my arms at the end of february next year. or some reason amongst this anxiety i also have this feeling of joy and a calm sense of happiness but don't know whether i should be feeling like this because circumstances are not ideal

Also im shit scared the father won't stand up to the mark.  i don't earn a lot of money and he earns less than me.  We're at respectable ages to be parents, im 26 (27 when the baby is born) and he's 30 but im scared to death that i will also have to look after him financially as well as my baby. i know i need support but im not used to having support .  im absolutelty terrified.